So this is my life for the next little while. I finally have the glucometer and feel as though a little bit of control has returned back to my world. My appointment after much back and forth finally got moved to next Wednesday.
I'll admit, I finally had my nervous breakdown - as I think I needed to. I hope none of the language in the previous post was too much. As a pastors wife I know I should be exemplary...but sometimes I just have to call things what they are and as of the last post, I was on the brink of losing my mind. Add depression, hormones and your world just constantly feeling like it's being flipped upside down and it creates a perfect storm for a nervous breakdown.
Stephen is fantastic in these instances. I honest to goodness sometimes think I married him because he's the only one that can handle me. I need his calm personality and lately I've needed it more than I have in a LONG time. He allows me to rest, but forces me up and to not be complacent. (And he's about the only person I'll listen to when he says "No you're going outside, you're going to read, we're going to the canyon and you're getting some sun while I take a bike ride." Sorry mom...I know you try. ;-) Ugh, tears as I write this (lots of loving tears and pregnancy hormones!). I love my husband so much, while I couldn't have done this without him, I certainly couldn't do it without his continued support.
From here on out, I'll be tracking my sugar once in the morning fasting (which means, I have to actually drag myself out of bed before my regular 10 am...a tough thing lately as I seem to finally find a solid deep sleep around 5:00-6:00am these days...oh and the anemia thing...). Then two hours after each meal. So far my meal plan won't be changing drastically. The nurse who taught me to use my meter today said to watch carbs and balance them with proteins but not to get too much into the counting game yet. If I find out how I respond to the things I normally eat, then we'll know more what's necessary to change or not change by the time I meet with the dietician. (Can I just let out a big FAT sigh of relief here??????) So between my three meals, I'll also work in three snacks. This is more food than I think I've eaten my entire pregnancy. It now seems like my world will revolve around eating and sugar checking.
I'm not a good eater. I'll admit hyperemesis does that to you. In all seriousness, I think there is a fair amount of PTSD that comes from throwing up everything you swallow (or try to) for weeks at a time. I'm sometimes just scared to eat, even though I only throw up once or twice a week now. I plan to address this with my dietician.
My nurse practitioner also told me something I did not know about GD (gestational diabetes). You're 50% more likely to develop Diabetes 2 in your lifetime if you've had GD. I asked her if it was weight related since there's often a stigma attached to D2 and weight. She said that while weight is certainly a contributing factor - it is not one in pregnancy (or at least not mine) and has more to do with my body's ability to regulate insulin. Therefore, if I already have a tendency to not regulate it properly and you throw a wrench in things like pregnancy or excessive weight gain - you're more likely to throw your body out of whack. It's a good reality check at my young age to not let myself go - especially as a mom who will no doubt be one of those moms that's always kids first.
So many of
you have been so supportive in offering your advice on how to be
diabetic and control things well. I want you to know I sincerely thank
you - as you also have helped my sanity when I haven't had answers. I'm
finally feeling a little more informed and much better off.
And now for the second totally different topic - preparing for Motherhood!
I was fortunate enough to feel well enough to attend a free breastfeeding 101 class offered through the health system here. I learned a lot including lots of truths and myths, the best information about current pumps out there, and most of all the free support BSA (our hospital system) offers through out your breast feeding journey even after you leave the hospital. Many of you know, I was very much on the fence about this for a fair number of reasons. The class helped calm some of my fears and put many worries aside plus hearing the number of benefits for not only m y daughter, but myself makes a pretty hard case against just formula feeding.
Even better, I found out about a series of other free classes they offer including childbirth and "Mommy 101" - a class that helps you decipher how to use all the gadgets and things out on the market, what's necessary and what will completely fly out the window when actually taking care of a baby. There's also a monthly support group for breastfeeding. (Did I mention all of these are free???) I'm pretty sure I'm going to be signing Stephen up for Daddy Boot Camp too!
In other news...
Mom and Dad will arrive on Saturday and we are getting ready to put them to work! Stephen helped rearrange some furniture in our guest bedroom to set up our twin bed and make room for the crib in the other bedroom/nursery. The room is all set for Dad and Stephen to tackle putting together the crib, and furniture can be anchored to the wall. We managed to find a crib in a light oak color. Nancy and Jim were nice enough to give us Stephen's childhood bedroom furniture from Austria (if you remember it has a light oak top and a green stain for the draws/cabinets). We've got enough pieces for her clothes and changing table. Mom is going to help me with the curtains and the bed linens and by the time they leave we're hoping we'll have the nursery all ready to go!
Another thing that will help - the church is graciously throwing me a baby shower on Sunday. Not only am I super excited to share the experience with my mom, she's going to help me organize the nursery afterward (something she is far more gifted at than I)!
One more thing we're looking forward to is a visit from Craig and Caroline in April. With the nursery all set they'll be plenty of room for the air mattress for Craig and with the twin bed taking place in an "official" guest room, Caroline will actually have her own bed to sleep in. Apart from the air mattress part (sorry Craig) - it feels like we actually have a home we can have guests sleep in and don't have to throw people on the couch. Ah, we're such grown-ups now!
We are so looking forward to our family visiting! I can't even remember the last time I got to see Craig and haven't had the privilege of meeting Carolina yet- so that visit is going to be super special and may involve a little diet breaking with a trip to the Big Texan.
Just so the rest of the family doesn't miss out, we might have to spot a big table at the BIG Texan to have a BIG baptismal lunch once baby girl gets here. Rest assured though, even if she's born a Texan, she'll always know her roots are in Tennessee! Her blood runs Tennessee orange by nature of her parents and there's no escaping that!
I know I always end this way, but truly...thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Thank you to all of you who sent messages to me empathizing and advice giving in the past week and beyond. God has blessed me with some really fabulous people in life!
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