but I'm too damn tired.
Ok, so I realize reading a whiny post about pregnancy woes is probably not the first thing on your list to do. But maybe this will help someone...or maybe it'll just be great therapy for me.
March. Last post we were going to see what kind of month you are and I never thought you would disappoint, but really, I'm feeling a little on my last string here. To be honest, I would rather just quit this whole pregnancy thing. It's just that in the end I really do want the little girl growing inside me provided she's not so much of a hellion on the outside. ;-) Since quitting isn't an option I guess I'll just continue to suck it up.
I'll move on from the whole "pregnancy is supposed to be a happy time" because I gave up on that a long time ago. These last two blows just make me want to throw up my hands and say "well sh*t." I'm anemic, and diabetic. I've heard moms say they prefer being pregnant because they felt they could protect their baby better. I feel like my body is saying "Get this alien out of here, what were thinking?!"
I'll admit these are not big things. Lots of pregnant women become anemic, and lots of pregnant women are diabetic. The problem with the two of these for me is diet. I still throw up occasionally and the iron supplements I'm on really aren't helping things. Up until this point, my doctors recommendation has been "Eat anything you can keep down." I was terrified of the glucose test because I was afraid any bout of throwing up would get me back in an HG downward spiral and land me back in the hospital. But more than that, I was terrified I wouldn't pass because I'll be honest...if something doesn't sound good I often just don't eat because forcing myself to eat makes me even more nauseous. The idea of eating frequently (which I'll admit might actually help the nausea) but only eating certain things kind of freaks me out. What do I eat when I'm sick feeling...crackers...what are crackers?...Carbs...what are carbs? Sugars. Add to that I really know nothing about blood sugar and chemistry.
I was pretty certain I failed the three hour. I felt miserable the whole time...like I'd throw up at any moment, a splitting headache and a tiredness that made me want to skip eating afterwards just so I could lay down. (I did eat though.)
With all this extra anxiety and nervousness of what is being diabetic and having hyperemesis and and iron deficiency going to look like, you can imagine I'm fairly emotionally overloaded. Then I got a call from the doctors office that I'm not going to get to see the diabetic dietition until April 2nd. I'll then be seven months pregnant instead of six months pregnant...I'm 4'10 so let's just let this girl get so big she'll just jump out of my womb on her own. Ok, that was my flair for the dramatic. The nurse said she's putting a directive into the doctor about it tomorrow as last we talked I was supposed to keep a journal, change my diet and report my sugar numbers in two weeks. As I've said before, I love Dr. Anderson and I'm confident he will address this and it will be a non-issue by tomorrow but it just adds to things.
I want to give a shout out to you all who are posting advice on diabetes already. I love your support. I need it in all honesty. This pregnancy has been so much of a group effort, baby girl will never understand the amount of love that has surrounded her before she even gets here. It brings tears to eyes of this already over-emotionally stimulated hormonal pregnant woman. You're the best group of friends, church members and family anyone could ever ask for and I thank God for you all the time. If I had a bible in front of me I'd lift up Phil 1:3-6. It goes something like "Everyday I give thanks to my God for the good works that have been done through you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ..." You're good news spreaders and I've needed a lot lately. Thank you, thank you, thank you.